


Silent Dreams

by Tarlan



Series: Silent World [21]
Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-10-19
Updated: 2003-10-19
Packaged: 2017-10-20 13:45:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/213401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Obsession</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silent Dreams

All around him the men were shouting and jostling each other as they tried to encourage or distract him according to where they had placed their bet. Chris picked up the next shot of whiskey and slammed it back, no longer aware of the burn of the cheap liquor as it hit the back of his throat and slid down into his empty belly. With as much concentration as he could muster, he placed the emptied glass on top of the pyramid of glasses, forming its apex. A cheer rose up behind him and he turned around raising his hands in triumph at winning the bet but the sudden turn made his head swim alarmingly and he stumbled back against the table, sending the shot glasses tumbling to the table top.

When he looked back he saw the loser scooping up the money and something snapped inside. He drew his gun with amazing agility despite his inebriation and leaned over to grab the man by the coat, the meaning behind his actions far clearer than his slurred words.

"You lost, hombre."

Fear darkened the deep brown eyes but the man had sense enough to let go of the money and back away, empty hands raised in a conciliatory gesture. Chris let go of the man's coat, his gun surprisingly steady in his hand as the man made a fast exit from the saloon. The sudden silence in the saloon was, in its way, almost as deafening as the previous raucous laughter and shouting as if each man waited with bated breath to see what he would do next.

Dark thoughts clawed at the blurred edges of his whiskey-soaked mind, whispering their venom even as other happier memories tried to slide through the fog to comfort him, adding to his confusion. Maria stepped forward and whispered in his ear, and he laughed on hearing her soft invitation to take their party some place more private, the dark voices temporarily drowned out by the physical desires of his body.

He grabbed the money from the table and together they stumbled towards the street. The bright sunlight made his eyes blur with the sting of tears and he narrowed them against the glare as he hurried her towards the small room she rented near the outskirts of the town. Once inside the room he closed his eyes as he felt her gentle hands work the buttons of his already open shirt, drawing the dark fabric from his shoulders. Her fingers stroked across his bare chest, caressing a nipple, and sending shivers of delight through him that arrowed straight to his groin.

He sat down as the giddy sensations caused his body to sway alarmingly, holding tight to the half-emptied bottle of whiskey. Softly, she began to croon an old Mexican love ballad, her hips swaying seductively as she glided across the room towards him. She sat down on his lap, straddling his thighs; her arms wrapped around his neck, her lips seeking his.

Inside, a small voice started shouting that this was all wrong, that he didn't want this, didn't want her... but the alcohol had stripped away all reasoning, drowning out that tiny inner voice. Then, another more insistent voice drove it away completely, robbing him of even the pleasure of Maria's warmth as the Mexican in the next room began to join her in song -- singing discordantly.

Her lips found his again but he turned his head away, yelling at the man to shut up. There was something nagging at the back of his mind, some reason kissing her was not a good idea but he couldn't think straight. She leaned in again, her tongue ruthlessly invading his mouth, twining around his, sending more confused signals to his body and, all the while, that terrible caterwauling from the next room filled his alcohol-fuddled head. Eventually he could take no more and he pushed Maria aside, picking up his gun and shooting through the thin plaster wall separating the rooms, yelling for peace.

The awful singing stopped long before the ringing sound of the bullets finished echoing through his skull.

"Sorry, Senor," came the muffled voice through the thin wall and Chris turned back to Maria, body tilting too far off balance. He fell slowly, for an eternity, before hitting the floor on his backside, some small part of him amazed that he still gripped the whiskey bottle in one hand and his gun in the other. He blinked in confusion as the image of Maria swam into his line of vision.

Why was she here? Where was Vin?

She took the whiskey bottle from him as he tried to assuage the terrible thirst he felt for remembrance, while simultaneously seeking solace in its power to make him forget.

"Do you drink to forget or to remember?"

"I don't know," he wailed softly in confusion... and then it came to him out of the darkness -- the memory of that terrible day all those years ago. It was a day that held so much despair, so much guilt. It was a day he had wanted to share with Vin Tanner, needing to feel the comfort of his lover's strong arms holding him rather than face this day alone once more. But he couldn't because of some overheard conversation back in the town that said he was paying far too much attention to another man -- to Vin.

_Them being so close ain't natural... if you know what I mean._

He did know what they meant. It meant they'd been careless. They'd been stupid. They'd taken one too many risks in their need to take comfort both physically and mentally from each other. And what if the other's overheard this rumor? Mary, Josiah or JD? What if others learned of their so-called sexual deviance and turned on them? Would they be hounded from the town, or thrown into the jail to await the return of the Judge?

Thoughts of Jericho resurfaced. Could he bear to go back to such a place, branded as a man's whore to be used by any inmate or guard? Worse still, what would happen to Vin?

Terrible images swam behind his eyes, of Vin swinging naked from a gallows with a sign painted below denouncing him as both a murderer and a perversion of nature. Vin didn't deserve that. He was no aberration and no murderer. He was a good man, a kind and gentle man and one hell of a lot more Christian than most of the folks that turned up their noses when he walked by.

How dare they! How dare they figure they had the right to judge him... to judge them. But they'd see Vin hang just because he dared to love another man with every fiber of his being. Just because Vin dared to love him... just as Sarah and Adam had loved him... just as they had...

"Tell me your troubles. I fix them all."

"Bring back my wife and son. Can you fix that?" Or can you stop them from hanging Vin just 'cause he loves me? Or can you stop them from tearing us apart just 'cause their damned God says that love is the most precious thing in the entire world -- as long as it's done HIS way.

"They are in God's hands now."

"What kind of a god lets an innocent boy and his mother burn to death? Huh? The killer's out there enjoying himself!" He dragged himself back onto his feet. 'And what kind of god lets an innocent man hang just for loving another man?'

The shuffling of footsteps outside the window caught at Chris's mind, and he recalled the less than happy loser of the bet from the saloon earlier, wondering if he was looking for his own divine retribution.

"Show yourself!"

Chris's finger tightened on the trigger but he frowned when a familiar form eased through the open window to stand before him. Another, smaller but still familiar form followed and Chris found his mind spinning with unanswered questions and confusion.

"Buck? What the hell are you doing here?"

"We're going to haul you back to town, stud." Blue eyes twinkled but Chris had no intention of going back to that damn town with its condescending little people. People who'd put a rope round Vin's neck -- and see him thrown to the wolves -- just because they loved each other and wanted to fuck each other raw on any occasion they...

"Like hell you are."

"Chris, some rich lady's putting up fifty bucks each to bring you home. Now, please--"

"I ain't talking to you, you little weasel!" He yelled, wanting to find someone to blame for the pain he was feeling as Josiah's god had kept one hell of a low profile until he'd found some willing bastard to start spreading rumors that would get Vin hanged and him imprisoned. "Both of you get out!"

"Shh... Shh... Shh."

Chris froze as Buck beckoned him to silence, wondering what his oldest friend had heard. Perhaps that fella from the saloon had come back after all.

"What?"

He strained to hear the noise that Buck had heard but there was a roaring of blood in his ears, courtesy of the alcohol he had drunk to excess this day. Chris registered the blow seconds after Buck delivered it, his brain too lost in alcohol to react any swifter -- and darkness fell almost immediately.

When he awoke he groaned as Buck started to beat a tattoo on his head, each blow sending the most excruciating pain radiating through him.

"What did I do?"

"Oh, you mean after you tore down all the hitching posts and got the good citizens teeth to gnashing?"

"Yeah." He groaned anew as he dragged himself up until he was seated upright; his felt like it would drop off if he moved it too quickly. Gingerly he touched his jaw.

"Jaw hurts, huh? Well, I did you a favor. Now, come on, wake up. You got a woman who's come to visit you."

"What woman?" Chris turned bleary eyes towards the cell door as familiar laughter sent his thoughts traveling back through the years.

"You haven't changed one bit. Still courting trouble, I see."

Her voice brought back memories of those heady days of his youth where he had loved and fought with passionate abandon, unaware of the intensity of the love that would follow, nor of the trauma of losing one great love only to gain another that ought not be, in the eyes of others. She reminded him of the vagaries of his youth, of times when he didn't have a cent in his pocket and yet always had a good time. She reminded him of carefree days where the sun always shined without a single cloud to blot an endless sky of blue.

"And still the handsomest drunk I ever knew."

Her brilliant white gown hurt his eyes and he turned his attention to her face. "And you're still the prettiest liar I ever met. It's been a lot of years, Ella."

"Last I heard, you got married and took up farming and I thought, why hitch a stallion to a plow? But it looks like you've quit."

"Yeah."

The spell was broken as reality set back in and he looked away from her, no longer wanting to recall those early years as his thoughts returned to those spent with Sarah. She had been so beautiful, and she'd gifted him with an equally beautiful child... his Adam.

He recalled a time, long ago, when he had been thinking of the charms of Mary Travis, comparing the most important people in his life to the seasons of the year. Sarah had been his autumn... rich and golden, with the warmth of promises to keep him safe through good times and bad. Mary, by comparison, had been winter... cold and aloof, perhaps holding a little magic but, like the snow, her charms would melt away. Vin was his summer... his favorite time of year, when the long days and warm nights eased the chills from his bones just as Vin's presence eased them from his soul.

So where did Ella fit in? It was obvious to him now that she had to be his spring... bringing memories of youthful exuberance, but like the springs he recalled from his youth in Indiana, she had been too light and changeable. With Ella it had always been sunshine and showers with flash floods of ice-cold anger. He had hoped that she would mellow in time, becoming his summer, but spring with her had come to an end, moving swiftly into autumn.

Autumn. Sarah. Every season came to its natural end but his autumn had ended too soon, too brutally. He had thought it would last forever but instead Sarah -- and Adam -- had been ripped away from him.

"My family was murdered."

"My God, Chris."

"Yeah, three years ago yesterday. Always makes me a little woolly."

It was an understatement. For the most part he had started to accept the loss of his family after all these years, finding renewed strength to carry on through Vin's love for him. However, that overheard conversation concerning his so-called unnatural relationship with Vin had cut deep, warning him of another terrifying loss dancing on the horizon ahead of him. He had survived losing Sarah and Adam -- just -- but he knew he couldn't survive another soul-deep blow no matter how much Vin insisted that he was willing to take that risk. They would drag Vin away from him, humiliate him, and then hang him... all for loving him.

"I am so... sorry. My Joseph died not too long ago. I know how you feel."

"That's tough." He frowned, wondering why her words seemed to ring insincere but he cast the doubts aside, recognizing that he was in no fit state to judge anyone at this moment. "So what are you doing here, Ella?"

As he heard her tale unfold he knew he had little choice but to offer his help. He owed it to her, his guilt returning for the way he had abandoned her all those years ago, leaving without even saying goodbye. But he had been young then -- both of them had been young -- and foolish. He had changed over the years and so she must have changed too. Certainly she didn't seem quite as possessive as she had in those last days of their previous acquaintance. Perhaps this Joseph had given her the life and the peace of mind that she had craved; a life she had not found with him during those months that they had been lovers.

"Well, you can count me in."

He watched her leave, ignoring the sudden chill as she floated away like an apparition in white... a ghost from the past trying to grasp hold of his present. He waited until she had left before looking up at Buck.

"Where's Vin?"

"Where'd ya think?"

Chris sighed; knowing Vin had a tendency to ride out to be alone when he needed to think. He hadn't meant to hurt Vin -- he never did mean to -- but Vin wouldn't or couldn't understand how dangerous it was for him to get too close. He didn't seem to care that their liaisons could put that rope around his neck faster than any suspicion of murder at Tascosa. If it was just his own neck he had to worry about then Chris knew he would willingly risk it just to lay by Vin's side, just to feel Vin's arms around him; his beautiful, strong body thrusting deep within him. But it wasn't his neck on the line; it was Vin's, and Vin didn't deserve such an ignominious end to his young life. He should live to a ripe old age; safe in the arms of some loving woman who could give him everything he wanted without reservation, without the ghosts of the past howling around them. He deserved a lover he could caress openly. He deserved to walk in sunlight rather than skulking in shadows, hiding his affection from an uncaring world.

He deserved to live as a free man... free from fear of the hangman's noose.

"He'll come around." At least Chris hoped Vin would see the sense in their recent estrangement and accept that it would be better if they remained just good friends.

"Will he?"

Chris frowned, not liking the accusation in Buck's words but feeling too fragile to get into a heated argument right now. He saw his black shirt hanging over a chair back and pulled it on. His gun rig lay close at hand, his fingers working the buckle and tie with practiced ease. He frowned when he didn't spot his hat immediately, and then Buck pulled it out from behind his back.

"Didn't think we'd leave your hat behind, did you?" Chris snatched at the hat, snarling at Buck's gleeful expression. "You owe JD for that. Sent him searching when we couldn't find it in Maria's room."

A piece of memory came back and Chris felt the hot flush of embarrassment on his cheeks as he remembered calling JD a weasel. Damn it, he thought, hoping JD had just brushed it off as the words of a no-good drunk. The sound of Buck's laughter trailed after him as he stormed from the jail, intent on getting back to his boarding room for fresh clothes before he headed over to the bathhouse. He reeked of stale sweat, smoke and whiskey, the foul smell clinging to his hair and body.

His stride faltered as two of the town's men glared at him from where they were busy mending one of the damaged hitching posts. Several others stared hard at him, whispering behind their hands to each other and Chris felt their disapproval of him. With anger directed more at himself than them, he brushed aside their hostility and carried on towards the boarding house.

****

Vin watched from the shadow at the corner of a building as the lady in white left the jail and moved gracefully across the street towards the hotel where she had taken a room. Her servant fell in step behind her, carrying several parcels neatly wrapped.

Vin shivered, wondering what it was about her that made his skin crawl. He knew the others had accepted her offer of fifty dollars for a few days work to help her with a problem she had on her land. They had taken the liberty of offering his services in his absence but Vin remained noncommittal. He didn't want to make a promise that he wouldn't keep if Chris had turned down the offer she would have just made to him.

He laughed softly at the irony of it all. Less than two years ago he had accepted the Judge's offer of a dollar a day to protect this town in the hope that Chris would also agree. On that occasion, Chris had followed his lead. This time Vin had held back, waiting to see what Chris would do before making his decision. In truth, he hoped Chris would tell her to go to hell.

Vin frowned, wondering why he felt so belligerent towards a woman he'd neither seen nor heard of before today, but there was something about her that rang warning bells in his head. He'd hunted down men for money so he'd traveled to many unsavory places, like Purgatorio, in the search for his prey. Killers had come in many forms but the worst of them had been the cold-blooded ones who acted out a parody of normal behavior right up until they revealed their psychopathic tendencies.

She's no good.

Those words screamed at him but, just then, Chris strode from the jail having slept off the whiskey from the day before, taking Vin's thoughts away from the woman. He could see by the stiff gait that Chris was most likely sporting a massive hangover, and he saw his lover's steps falter as Chris caught sight of some of the damage he had caused last night.

Vin shook his head imperceptibly, almost grateful that he'd ridden out to be alone all yesterday and last night. He'd had a lot to think about, in particular the words casually dropped by Ezra the morning before he rode out that went a long way to explain this recent detachment he felt from Chris.

Once more the waggling tongues of others had driven him and Chris apart. The inability of others to accept that two people could want each other -- irrespective of race or gender -- forming a barrier between them. Vin thought he'd gotten through to Chris the last time, after they returned from protecting that wagon train from the likes of Dickie O'Shea. He thought Chris had understood that nothing mattered as long as they could be together, not Tascosa or other peoples' opinion. All Vin cared about was Chris, and all Vin wanted from this life was Chris.

Last night, as he sat staring into the bright flames licking up the wood of his small campfire, Vin had pondered on their future -- and if they had one together. In the distance he had heard a lone coyote howling, an eerie sound that cut through the silence of the night like an echo to his own loneliness.

When Chris lay by his side the loneliness of his previous existence became a mere shadow of the past. The warmth of Chris's naked flesh, the heat of his touch, would melt away the cold indifference that had once formed his armor against a harsh world. Chris had captured him with that first glance, invading his mind and body to the depths of his soul... but he had been a willing prisoner for he knew he had captured Chris in return.

The subtle differences in upbringing guided their thoughts and actions. Where Vin could accept the offered love and rejoice in it, uncaring of what others might think, Chris fought against it. Like him, Chris had no true preference for male or female, able to care for another as an individual, and even to love them with all his heart, body and soul be they man or woman.

Sarah had been one of those special individuals that had captured his heart and Vin knew that he was another without having to hear the words. They were spoken in every caress and every kiss. They were whispered in the scent of their lovemaking and screamed in the rapture of their cries as they came hard in each other's arms.

Silently, he cursed the white man's convention that said it was acceptable for Chris to love one of them--Sarah--but not the other--him.

Sarah.

It all came back to her. Her ghost was the lone coyote howling through the night, haunting the living with a need to find eternal peace through revenge. Vin couldn't blame her for he would have felt just as angry and despairing had he been snatched away from Chris so brutally. For Chris's sake, though, he wished they could find her true killer -- the one who had destroyed both her and her little one; the one who had torn *them* asunder. He wanted her to find peace so that Chris would find his peace too, no longer hearing the ghosts of his life clawing at the ragged edges of his soul.

That was why he had not forced the issue to return to Tascosa to clear his name. Somehow, he knew the answer to that terrible event lay around here. He could feel it deep down inside like an itch he couldn't scratch, and now his sixth sense was telling him that something bad was about to happen again. Part of him wondered if it had anything to do with this strange woman from Chris's past who had come back into his life like a living ghost.

Or was it all merely jealousy on his part? And fear of losing Chris forever this time?

He watched until Chris disappeared from view and then he closed his eyes, shutting out the sights and sounds of the world around him as he clung to the shadow cast by the still rising sun. Footsteps registered on his hearing despite his attempt to tune out the world and he opened one eye in time to see Buck settle on the bench close by, long legs stretching outwards.

"He told her yes."

Vin sighed inwardly, allowing no outward show of the despair that gripped him with those words. Compassion filled Buck's blue eyes and Vin almost laughed aloud at the strangeness of it all. Not too long ago Buck had been the one trying to tear them apart, unable to accept their relationship but now he was Vin's greatest champion.

"He's got to let her go, Buck."

Buck frowned for a moment, looking towards the hotel where the woman, Ella Gaines, had disappeared but then the frown smoothed away.

"He can't let Sarah go till she sleeping peaceful in her grave." Buck sighed. "Truth is, I can't either... though she don't haunt me so bad as Chris."

"Then who does haunt you, Buck?"

The silence stretched before Buck answered softly as if lost in memory. "A little boy who was the spitting image of his pa... with the same fire in his eyes and..." Buck looked away but not before Vin caught a glint of unshed tears in Buck's eyes. He recovered quickly enough and turned back to Vin.

"You coming with us?"

Vin looked back out across the dusty street as Chris reappeared and headed for the bathhouse. Both his heart and groin tightened at the sight of Chris's long-limbed frame striding out, the tight fitting dark pants molded to the strong thighs and curving smoothly over that equally tight ass. The silver-studded gun belt emphasized his lean hips that in turn led the eyes higher to the narrow waist and broad shoulders.

Vin knew what Chris looked like beneath the layers of clothing; he knew him intimately. He knew every curve and hollow, every ridge of hard bone and bulge of smooth muscle. He loved to watch Chris's naked form moving around the shack, unconscious of his almost feline grace; muscle rippling beneath smooth ivory flesh as he completed the most mundane of tasks unaware of his appreciative audience.

I don't wanna lose him.

Vin realized that he had no choice but to go with them... and to watch Chris's back. He didn't know why he considered this woman to be such a threat but his gut instinct had rarely been wrong in the past. She was trouble and he had never been one to run from trouble, preferring to face it head-on if he could. With a quick nod to show his agreement, Vin pushed away from the wall and returned to his wagon to get ready. They would be leaving at first light tomorrow but something deep down inside told him that he might never come back this way again.

With that in mind he sifted through his most precious possessions, packing them carefully into his saddlebags. He lay out all the rest, soaking up the memories they invoked as the day gave way to night.

Part of him hoped that the quiet of the night would be broken by the sound of Chris's soft footsteps outside his wagon, not wanting to spend it alone. The fatigue from spending all last night staring into the fire pulled at him and he fell asleep, but his dreams were filled with silent visions. A faceless woman with rich chestnut hair silently screamed as flames licked about her, a little boy who was the spitting image of his pa was crying with no voice, an insane gleam in dark eyes and a sour mouth laughed in silent hysterics. He saw visions of gun-battles and bloodshed, and then heard the only sound, piano music played out in this muffled dream world.

Vin awoke in a cold sweat, with the sensation of Chris's warm blood trickling through his fingers, and he sighed raggedly when he realized it *was* just a dream... a silent dream. He glanced out of the wagon and was surprised that it was still only late evening. The street fires had been lit and he suddenly understood the final part of his dream as he heard a merry tune drifting on the slight breeze from the saloon. Licking suddenly dry lips, Vin realized that this tune was not the same one from his dream, but then he berated himself for being stupid.

"Course it weren't the same tune... couldn't keep playing the same tune over and over all night long. Get himself lynched that way."

He chuckled half-heartedly but was unable to shake off the feeling of dread associated with the tune he had heard, a song his mother used to sing to him: _I dream of Jeanie with the light brown hair_. His grandmother's people believed that dreams were powerful omens but he had never truly experienced one until now, convinced that his diluted blood had robbed him of that gift.

Knowing it would take a while before he would find comfort in sleep again this night, Vin decided to head for the saloon. Inside it was packed with most people having a good time. As he stepped into the oil-lit interior he saw Chris relaxing with some of the others and he moved to join them, freezing when he saw Ella Gaines. None of them had spotted him even though he was close enough to overhear part of their conversation. A female voice among all the men carried far easier to his ears as he made out the words _bareback Larabee_.

As Vin pulled away from the group he heard the others toast Chris with the moniker she had used, adding _Long may he ride_.

His eyes took in her face and he shuddered as if someone had just walked over his unmarked grave. She was not aware of his scrutiny, believing everyone's attention was focused on the handsome man in black who accepted the toast with embarrassment. In that moment, her eyes glittered with the coldness of stars on a clear winter's night, sending a chill though him as he recalled part of the nightmare that woke him earlier.

She's no good, Larabee. She's trouble.

Vin backed away from the group stealthily and sank into a seat sometimes favored by Chris when he wanted to sink into shadows and remain apart from the rest of the world. His lips tightened in frustration as she offered her arm to Chris, obviously requesting that he escort her back to her hotel. He saw Chris grin and rise -- accepting with pleasure -- the beautiful smile sending mixed messages to Vin's body as his stomach flipped with both pleasure and concern. He watched the pair until they had disappeared outside, catching one last glimpse of them through the saloon window before they were gone.

Vin closed his eyes, hating the powerful emotions that washed though him at the thought of Chris spending time with her. He opened them as the chair opposite was drawn back and watched as Ezra sat down, hand reaching inside his pocket for the ever-present pack of cards.

"It appears that the lovely lady is still enamored with Mr. Larabee. A shame."

Vin was tempted to agree but then realized he wouldn't want to wish Ella Gaines on his worst enemy let alone a friend. He stared at Ezra in puzzlement. For someone so astute at reading people, it did worry him that Ezra had not picked up on anything unusual about her. It made him question his own feelings again, wondering if it was misplaced jealousy on his part.

Ezra began to deal and Vin raised his hands to stop him.

"Ain't got no money, Ezra."

"I would happily take an IOU against the fifty dollars--"

"Don't bet what I ain't got, Ez. And I ain't got fifty dollars yet."

Ezra gave a large sigh of exasperation. "Then, perhaps, just this once, we could play for... pleasure. Wait here, Mr. Tanner."

Vin frowned, uncertain what Ezra meant as he watched him go to the bar and reach over for something on the shelf below. He returned to the table and evenly divided a pile of chips that would normally be used in a high-class gambling hall in place of money.

"Mother left these behind after she finished playing Hotel and Casino owner." He grinned, gold tooth glinting. "The one with the least chips at the end of the evening can buy the winner the finest malt this establishment has to offer."

Vin raised an eyebrow then shrugged his shoulders, knowing he would get little rest this night anyway. "Deal away then, Ez."

****

"Any idea how long you'll be gone?"

Chris resettled the saddlebag on his shoulder as he turned to Mary Travis, fingering the brim of the black hat he held in his hand. "Oh, it'll probably be just a day or two. You'll be all right."

Except for that incident with the Pinkerton Detective who'd turned out to be a woman-killer, the town had been quiet for months, slowly losing its wildness as the railroad tracks brought more and more settlers through the territory on their way to what was left of the frontier. Civilization was catching up fast and Chris knew that their days of protecting the town were numbered.

The Judge had been forced to appoint a sheriff the last time around -- against his better Orin -- and both Bryce and the town had suffered for it. However, times were changing and Chris knew it would only be a matter of a few more months before Travis returned and appointed a sheriff willingly. He had a feeling that Travis would give him first refusal for the job but Chris had no intention of ever becoming a badge-wearing lawman. In truth, he had only accepted the work of protector because Vin had done so. If Vin had said 'no' that day then he would have honored his promise to ride with Vin back to Tascosa to try and clear the Tanner name.

Would that ever happen now? Eli Joe was dead but, unbeknown to Vin, Chris had already set wheels in motion to try and clear his name in other ways. For this he had gained the help of an important man, a man who had willingly pushed aside his own principles in this exceptional case. Should even the slightest whisper of impropriety reach the ears of that man then his hopes of Vin ever clearing his name -- and so avoiding the hangman's noose -- might be dashed forever.

He couldn't take that chance, not just to assuage his own needs and desires. His presence has already destroyed the lives of his Sarah and Adam, and Vin deserved to live, free from fear. He deserved a long and happy life... but it appeared that all Chris could ever offer him was more grief.

With a sigh, Chris slung his saddlebags over his horse, preparing to mount up. So many dreams had turned, silently, to dust in his hands. So many hopes scattered to the four winds.

He thought about that piece of land he'd bought, and the shack standing upon it. He'd entertained thoughts of turning it into a small ranch, breeding good horseflesh, with Vin as his partner in business as well as his... but it was all just dreams.

"Chris, would you like to ride in the carriage? We could reminisce about old times."

He grinned and took her up on her offer, suddenly desperate to find solace in the distant past as there seemed to be no comfort in the present or the future. They made a little small talk at first, as if sizing up each other after too many years apart. For the most part, Chris just listened as he found his thoughts drifting constantly to the man riding only a few feet behind the carriage.

Silently, he wished Vin had chosen to ride behind Ella as then he could watch him more often without being too obvious about it. He loved watching Vin, loved watching the way his body moved with so little effort, at one with the horse he was riding. He recalled the story Ella told about him last night in the saloon, how he had ridden bareback, in just boots and hat.

Last night, his dream had been of Vin riding bareback and naked, with those long, lean thighs gripping tightly to the horse, and the rain drizzling down his smooth back. His hair had been hanging down in thick strands, weighted by the rain and his eyes had been glowing with excitement. In his dream, Chris had been naked too, seated close behind Vin, arms wrapped around the spare frame. His fingers spanned over the ridges of firm stomach muscles while his cheek lay on Vin's shoulder, and he was pressed tightly against Vin, chest to back.

They had raced along the meadows, the dark thunderclouds behind them, blue sky on the distant horizon. The ferocity of the storm beat at the horse's hooves and he held onto Vin tighter still, closing his eyes and letting Vin lead them to safety.

What did it all mean?

Ella reached over and opened the small hamper placed on the seat opposite, drawing out some freshly cooked chicken that she must have had the hotel cook prepare for her journey home. She offered him a drumstick and his stomach lurched as he realized he'd not had any breakfast that morning... just coffee.

He tossed aside the first remains and reached for a second piece of chicken, grinning at some fresh memory of happy times that Ella had drawn up from the past. His spirit lightened as he recalled those crazy days, suddenly wanting to draw Vin into the memory and share it with him. As if hearing his silent call, Vin rode up closer.

"While you're eating meat, we're eating dust."

"That's right." With a speed that took even Chris by surprise, Vin snared the drumstick and dropped back out of reach. "Hey! Hey!" He laughed, catching a twinkling in the blue eyes that made Chris forget all his good intentions of placing distance between them. From Ezra's antics, he could tell that Vin was teasing the gambler with the chicken, enjoying this boyish side to his lover's nature that lightened his heart. Ella leaned back, cutting off his view as she offered him a drink.

"That's Kentucky mash. You won't find that in your little burg."

"You always did know your spirits."

He half-listened as she mentioned running a liquor business, grinning as he caught sight of Ezra nearly falling from his horse as he tried to reach the chicken before Vin had finished it completely. His attention came back as he heard a menacing undertone in her next words.

"Drowned my sorrows in my work."

He felt guilty once more at the way he had just upped and left her without a word. "We had some good times, didn't we, Ella?" She gave a noncommittal response and he focused on those good times, pushing the bad memories into the far recesses of his mind. "I'll say this. You were one wild little girl."

Her laughter came a little too easy, a little too light but he could understand that after the way he had treated her at the end. He had no right to expect her to have not been a little hurt by his actions but, at the time, it had seemed the only way out. She had been fun -- at first -- fawning over him, making him feel so important. At first he hadn't really noticed that she would deliberately manipulate a situation so he could prove how much she meant to him but, gradually, her games became more dangerous. She would bait other men into paying her attention, and then she would pretend their advances were unwelcome, expecting him to fight, and sometimes even kill, for her 'honor'. Of course, he hadn't realized that it was all a game she played until one of those intended victims refused to fight, telling it to him plain and simple.

Her next words brought him back from the past. "Well, the way I remember it, you were the crazy one. Rowdy and ready to fight. Bar scrapes every night. Calling out any man who would even look my way.

Chris kept the smile on his face as her words brought those memories into sharp focus. "And you enjoyed every bit of it."

"Yes, I did." She laughed again, and then her voice became serious. "Is that why you didn't come looking for me? After your wife died, I mean."

How could he admit that she had never crossed his mind? That he had been too full of grief at his loss. It had taken a long time before he found anything worth smiling at, let alone laughing. And then he had met Vin Tanner. Looking into her dark eyes, seeing some of the hurt there he knew he owed her the truth.

"Well, after she died, it took everything I had just to get out of bed in the morning. Then I went after her killer. I didn't think about anything else."

"Ever find him?"

"Name of Fowler. Still looking for the man who hired him. But I'll find him."

"If I can help any, you just ask... Bareback Larabee." Her laughter ended the serious turn of their conversation, as if she had felt appeased by his answer. He was grateful in a way as he never truly meant to hurt her... not then and not now. They lapsed back into quiet talk of the past, slowly catching up with the present, and then Ella indicated for the carriage to halt.

"My husband left it to me. What do you think, Chris? Little bit of heaven?"

Chris looked down at the large two-story, white painted ranch house, at the white picket fence and the large corral. It was everything he'd dreamed of having--a dream he'd hoped to realize with Sarah... and then with Vin.

How long had he held onto that dream? Had he always had it? Had he shared that dream with Ella in those bygone days? It felt a little depressing that she had realized *his* dream but he could not find it in him to feel bitter at her gain and his loss.

"That looks like a whole lot of heaven. Finally come up with a place that suits you."

****

Vin stared down at the ranch spread out before them and felt a sharp pain in his chest, as if someone had stabbed in a knife and given it a twist for good measure. This was the dream that Chris had often spoken of in those quiet times after they had made love... the one Vin had thought to share with his lover one day. All it needed was for that large corral to be filled with good horseflesh and the dream would be complete.

He dropped his eyes away from the ranch to Ella Gaines, eyes narrowing in concern as he saw her casually reach for Chris to pick an imaginary piece of lint from his shoulder. Jealousy welled up inside him, knowing that she could offer him everything he ever wanted without censure from others.

What did he have in comparison? What could he give Chris that Ella Gaines could not better?

Love? He thought

Being adept at reading body language, Vin knew that she loved Chris though he wasn't certain what kind of love she had to offer. All he knew was that there was something unhealthy about it but he doubted that anyone but him could see that... and those who knew about his relationship with Chris might see his concerns in the wrong light.

The carriage moved on down, pulling up outside the ranch house. Two men ran out and offered to see to the horses as Ella beckoned them all into the house. Vin felt ill at ease as he stepped over the threshold into the elegantly furnished interior.

"Help yourself to the food, boys. There's plenty more where that came from."

Vin followed Josiah, hearing his approval at the spread laid out for them though, suddenly, he wasn't hungry anymore. Everything looked too fancy... too good to eat... reminding him of one of Billy's story books that Mary had used as she helped him learn to read: Hansel and Gretel.

"Eat fast, Josiah. You and Vin got first watch."

Vin tried to catch Chris's eye but Ella called to him, drawing his attention away. "Chris, why don't you come on upstairs? I'll show you your room." She looked back and, for the first time, Vin noticed that she had avoided almost all contact with him as she directed her words to Josiah alone. "Don't shoot the good doctor, Josiah, while you're on your watch."

Vin swallowed hard as he watched Chris climb the stairs by Ella's side, part of him admiring the fluidity of movement of Chris's body even as his heart weeped at the sight.

"If you prefer the bunkhouse, Chris, I'll take the feather bed. That's the sort of good-hearted person I am."

Chris had enough time to grin back down at Ezra before Ella's slight tug on his arm drew him away. As they turned to follow the stairs to the second landing, Vin caught a look of triumph crossing Ella's face that sent a shiver down his spine. Once more his thoughts returned to the story of the Gingerbread House and the evil witch that lured victims into her lair by seeming to fulfill their dreams.

Suddenly he felt nauseous and he walked swiftly from the house, not waiting for Josiah and hating the idea of accepting any hospitality from this woman.

She's trouble, Chris, he thought again.

He knew it, but he didn't know what he could do about it without everyone assuming it was but jealousy on his part. He could only hope that Chris saw through her web of deceit, or that he could find a way to convince his lover of her duplicity before she had snared him completely.

Josiah caught up with him as Vin re-saddled his horse, leaning nonchalantly against the wall of the corral as he gnawed delicately on a chicken wing. He cast the remains to the ground and looked thoughtfully at Vin.

"Gonna say what's on your mind, Josiah?"

"Lady seems to be going all out to impress Chris. Makes a man wonder what her true intentions are."

"You reckon this Handsome Jack is just something she made up?"

"No... but I figure it gave her the reason she needed to reacquaint herself with Chris."

Vin looked around at the ranch. "Could have reacquainted herself any time. Ain't but half a day's ride from the town."

"True enough... but even after all these years I still haven't figured out the workings of a woman's mind."

"You trust her?"

"Same way I'd trust a rattler... beautiful but deadly, but I don't plan to step between her and Chris. Don't know whose bite would be the deadliest."

"Calling Chris a snake?"

"Nope... more like a wounded mountain cat blinded by pain. I'll circle west."

Vin nodded and watched as Josiah ambled over to his horse, not needing to have it spelled out to him to know that Josiah had his best interest at heart. Chris was still bleeding from a wounded torn into his soul three years back, and every time it started to heal over, something or someone would come along to rip away the scab and set it to bleeding all over again. He already knew that true healing would only come once Sarah had been laid to rest in peace, and that her ghost would continue to torment Chris until her killer was uncovered. That was the way of the spirit world, a world he'd learned about through his grandma.

However, unlike Josiah, he had no choice but to try and step in between the rattler and the wounded mountain cat.

And if you get bit? he thought but Vin knew it would depend on who did the biting, and how deep the poison ran if the rattler struck first.

He saddled up and turned his horse east, nodding once at Josiah as he rode away. Silently, he had to admit that the land was good for grazing and for rearing horses. Much like the land Chris had bought outside the town though Chris's shack looked pretty humble compared to the grandeur of Ella's fine house.

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home, he thought, and Chris's shack had long since become a second home to him... so long as Chris was there to share it with him. Hell, he thought, anyplace was home as long as Chris was there... except here. Despite the lushness of the meadow grass and the beauty of the white house with its picket fence, there was a darkness hovering over this land, a sense of other spirits howling for revenge.

He wondered what had happened to her husband. How had the man died? Had he been taken by old age, fever or accident... or had he been murdered?

After an hour circling slowly, Vin went back to the ranch in time to see the others moving across towards the bunkhouse where they'd bed down for the next few nights. In truth, Vin hated the idea of accepting any hospitality from Ella Gaines but he knew he'd look foolish for turning down a comfortable bed in favor of sleeping on the hard ground.

He jumped down from his horse, his roll and blanket slung over his shoulder as he followed them to the door. Vin froze on the threshold, knowing this bunkhouse had not been used in years by the accumulated cobwebs and dust. He looked at the place with barely concealed disgust, wondering why Ella Gaines had been so welcoming in her home and yet her hospitality had ended there. To Vin it was obvious that she did not want the others to stick around for longer than was necessary, doing enough for them to keep Chris happy, but no more than that.

"Bareback Larabee. He gets the goose down. We get this little slice of heaven," cried Buck as he pulled aside some of the cobwebs.

Inwardly Vin smiled, knowing this gave him the perfect excuse to walk away. "I think I'll sleep under the stars."

"Oh, the indignity. Courage, Ezra, courage," Vin heard as he walked away, wondering why Ezra hadn't turned aside also but then, any bed was better than sleeping on the hard ground where Ezra was concerned.

As he rounded the bunkhouse, Vin saw Chris in the distance, walking with Ella along the length of the porch. He saw them pause, and turned away as Ella reached up for Chris and kissed him. He mounted up and rode away, ignoring the sound of the wagon approaching the house, his thoughts too caught up in his own pain.

****

"This is good land, Chris. A man could raise a fine herd of horses on land this good."

"Did that once. Never figured on doing it again." Chris didn't know why he lied to Ella but he had done so twice now. Earlier, upstairs she had pulled out one of her late husband's suits and offered it to Chris but he'd turned it down.

 _No, gunslingers don't wear suits. Gunslingers live poor as church mice and die in the prime of life. Is that your ambition?_ she had asked, and he had replied that he hadn't given it much thought.

That had been the first lie. He had been giving it a lot of thought until he'd overheard the men talking about him and Vin in the town. He'd been thinking of moving out of the town once the Judge appointed a sheriff, of working on his shack then riding across the border into Mexico to buy a couple of good breeding mares.

He'd included Vin in his plans... had dreamed of all the time they could spend together without the fear of someone catching them lying naked and satisfied in each other's arms. He'd imagined long winter nights huddled beneath the thick quilt and blankets in his bed, and summer nights making love under the stars. He'd thought about all the open places on his land where he could take Vin, and be taken by him in return, without fear of discovery: on that big flat rock overhanging the pond, or in the sweet meadow grass on a warm Spring's day. Maybe in that small stable they'd built, filled with the scent of horses and fresh hay.

Then afterwards they'd lie side-by-side, happy and content just to be together with no need for words, and no need to rise stealthily from the other's bed and disappear before the sun rose.

"Don't you see though? This is... this is the place we've always dreamed about."

Chris gave a small frown, knowing that this had never been Ella's dream, only his. Her dream had been to travel to exciting places like San Francisco, Boston and New York, wanting to be the toast of whatever town or city they entered. She had come from a small holding; her father one of those poor farmers who could barely feed his family yet still took to spending what little he had on beer, whiskey and women every Saturday night.

He had understood her need to escape that ignoble beginning but it became obvious to him then that he would never be able to give her all that she needed. Looking around, it seemed that she had found it for herself, though, leaving him far behind.

"I feel like I'm a step or two behind you, Ella."

"Catch up to me," she whispered, drawing him close and kissing him soundly. He felt the insistence of her against him, tasting her sweetness and though it seemed cloying to him yet he couldn't pull away. Her small body pressed up against him but he longed for the strength of Vin's arms around him, holding him securely. The rattle of an approaching wagon gave him the excuse he needed to draw away from her weak embrace, and then he realized that the man driving, Luis, had been shot.

Chris left Nathan and the doctor tending the wounded man while he joined the others, thinking about the message Handsome Jack had sent back with Luis. He knew it was a calling card and that he had to accept the invitation.

"Where's Vin?"

He thought he had seen him ride back in earlier from his first watch but now he couldn't see Vin's horse among the others in the corral.

"Our sleeping accommodations leave a lot to be desired so Mr. Tanner excused himself with the firm intention of locating a superior bed... under the stars."

Chris glanced towards the bunkhouse then back at the house, pursing his lips but was forced to dismiss Ezra's words. After all, they would only be here for a few days so it was hardly important if the beds were a little lumpy. He took in the four men ranged around him. He'd wanted Vin to be at his side when he rode into Red Fork but Vin was not exactly easy to find when he took it into his head to disappear. Chris sighed.

"Buck, JD, saddle up. We're riding into town. Josiah, Ezra, need you to stay close in case this Handsome Jack takes advantage of our absence. Vin can back you up when he gets back."

They nodded their agreement and each went off to prepare. Chris strode over to the corral gate, walking inside and then whistling lightly, pleased when his horse answered immediately and trotted across. He patted the thickly corded neck and offered the loyal gelding a small treat that he'd snared from Ella's feast.

"Good boy."

Chris threw the blanket and then the saddle over, making short work of saddling up, noticing that Buck and JD were doing the same. They were ready within minutes and Chris mounted up, pulling on the rein to guide the horse around. A gave a quick nod to Ella and then cantered off with Buck and JD close behind.

Night had fallen by the time they reached Red Fork and Chris quickly sized up the young pup Handsome Jack Averal placed as watchdog on the saloon, stepping between him and JD as they squared off.

"Where can I find Jack Averal?"

"He's expecting you."

The young gunfighter indicated towards the town's only saloon that stood behind him. Chris brushed past knowing that Buck would follow. He gave a small smile as JD came in behind him, overhearing Buck's put-down to the overly ambitious pup.

Handsome Jack Averal was seated close by at an angle to the door. He had positioned himself for maximum effect without being stupid, hoping to give himself a psychological advantage over his opponent. Unfortunately for Handsome Jack, Chris was not the kind of person to be intimidated easily but Averal pressed on as if he had the advantage nonetheless.

"Now, as you know, I've already offered Ella Gaines more than a fair price for her land. She has refused."

"Well, there's the hitch," Chris replied sardonically. "She don't want to sell it."

"It's a shame really. I even offered her my hand in marriage. Can't imagine how she could turn that down."

"Maybe she preferred a more manly type." Buck's retort added the first flicker of annoyance to Handsome Jack's face, obviously disliking this slight towards the handsome looks that had given him his moniker by implying they were effeminate.

"Well, I would advise her to reconsider because the value of her holdings will be dropping daily."

Chris straightened slightly, drawing on his height to look down on Handsome Jack. "A man can get roasted for making threats like that."

"That's why you were invited here, Mr. Larabee. Whatever Ella's paying you, I'll pay you twice as much to join the winning side."

Handsome Jack had risen from his seat and looked interested as Buck leaned over to whisper something to Chris. Chris almost smiled at the inquisitive look on Handsome Jack's face that drew the man closer still...and then Chris struck out, catching Handsome Jack by surprise as his fist smashed into the man's nose.

Undercover of Chris's body, Buck had drawn his gun, and JD reacted just as quickly as Averal's men drew their weapons.

"Hold it! Hold it!" He held his nose gingerly. "Hold up, gentlemen. Mr. Larabee was just expressing his loyalty to Ella Gaines. Got to respect that." He stared hard at Chris with cold eyes. "Next time, I put a bullet in your heart."

Chris smiled, knowing he had got his point across to the vain man and slowly, they backed out of the saloon and rode away. Part way back, Chris reined to a halt. Buck and JD pulled up a few paces ahead and looked back at him with concern but then Buck urged his grey a few steps back to Chris. Just as Chris managed to shake of the ill ease he felt knowing that he'd most likely be sleeping in Ella's bed that night, Buck gave him an odd look and then reached up to play with his mustache.

"You know, Chris. Them beds at the bunkhouse ain't all that inviting... not all soft and clean like that feather bed waiting for you back at the ranch." He looked up at the clear night sky. "Figure Vin had the right idea about sleeping under the stars."

"You and JD planning to stop here for the night?"

"Nope... just you and me. JD can go on and tell the others we made it out of Red Fork okay, and tell them we'll be back at first light."

"You got some objection to me sleeping in a feather bed, Buck?"

"Yeah... reckon I do at that." He grinned and Chris suddenly understood what Buck was trying to do. He was buying him time to decide if he was doing the right thing by Vin. Chris nodded and stepped down from his horse, suddenly grateful that he could put the rest of his life on hold for one more night.

They waved once as JD turned and rode on and then started making camp, quickly building a fire to stave off the cold night air. Within half an hour they had hot coffee, beans and a handkerchief full of sweet treats that Buck had taken from Ella's feast. Buck shared them willingly and, as the evening wore on, Chris rediscovered the pleasure he used to find in Buck's company from a time before Sarah and Adam were burned alive.

After a while they both fell silent, deep in thought as they stared at the fire, hands wrapped around tin mugs full of coffee laced with whiskey. Eventually, Buck broke the silence.

"You feel like you're standing on a precipice. Looking down at a raging river, wondering whether you'd be dashed on the rocks as you fell. And if you did hit that river, then wondering if the water'd be icy or warm, and if you'd sink or swim."

"What're you talking about, Buck?"

"Ella Gaines."

"Ain't got no plans with Ella."

"She don't see it that way." Buck grinned, nudging him with his elbow. "You can run, stud, but you can't hide."

Chris sighed. "This about Vin?"

"You know I weren't so keen--"

"Now that's an understatement--"

"--on you and him being so familiar at first, but I kind og got used to it. He's good for you, Chris. Compared to Ella, choosing Vin would be like jumping off that low flat rock into the warm, still waters of that pond on your land."

"You saying he's the easy option?"

"Hell, Chris, nothing with you is easy. Just saying it how I see it."

"Let's drop it."

"Okay... just wanted ya to know that I'm easy with whatever makes ya happy, be it Ella... or Vin."

"And I appreciate that, Buck. I do."

Without another word, Chris lay down and drew his blanket up high, turning away from Buck. Half the night had already gone but they had several more hours until dawn. It took only moments to fall asleep and, once more, his dreams was filled with images of Vin Tanner. This time, though, he was standing on the flat rock at his pond. On one side was the warm still waters that ran so deep, and on the other side the long drop into a raging river.

On the other side of the torrent stood Ella, her hair blowing wild in the strong breeze, her white, almost transparent gown billowing around her momentarily before molding itself to her gentle curves and firm breasts. Behind her lay the white ranch house standing in green pasture, surrounded by its bright picket fence. Her arms reached for him, dark eyes stabbing into him with a desire that went beyond love to something he could not name.

Chris looked back towards the pond. Standing knee deep in the water near the edge was Vin, his naked flesh glistening with droplets of water that reflected the sunlight like a web of crystals covering his beautiful body. Tiny rivulets trickled down his smooth, almost hairless skin with each rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in the sweet air. His blue eyes were as clear and bright as a summer's day, holding only love for him.

Suddenly, darkness swept up behind Vin, grabbing hold of him and dragging him towards the gallows. Love filled eyes turned to hatred as the Judge placed a noose around Vin's neck while the people of the town threw rotten fruit and hissed names denouncing their perversion.

_You killed me, Chris. You could have let me go and now you killed me._

"No... No... NO!!"

Chris sat upright as Vin's body dropped at the end of the rope, eyes wide with horror.

"You okay, Chris?"

He nodded, slowly letting the dream fade away though the horror retained an icy grip on his heart and soul.

He deserves to live.

"Only an hour till dawn. We'd best get moving."

Buck nodded and began to gather up his bedroll and pack away his belongings back into his saddlebags. Chris saw him glancing towards him from time to time but the tight set of his mouth warned Buck that he was in no mood for talking so they saddled up in silence. They had almost reached the outskirts of Ella's land when the sun rose, and Chris made out a single rider in the distance heading towards them. He recognized JD moments later by the familiar outline of his bowler hat.

"Thought I'd ride back out."

They rode back towards the ranch house in silence, drawing up beside the corral where Ella waited, and they watched as two fine horses were led into the corral then set loose. Buck whistled softly in appreciation of their fine lines.

"Horses and women, I love them both."

Chris glanced across at Buck, seeing the truth in his words. Then he dismounted and walked over to where Ella waited for him, wondering what she would say about him not coming straight back last night.

"Chris, how did it go with Averal?"

"Well, if it's a fight he's looking for, now he knows we'll give him one."

"Oh, I'm sure he'll come to his senses rather than mess with the seven of you."

"I wouldn't count on it." Chris turned to watch the horses as they pranced around the corral. "Beauties."

"Those aren't just saddle horses, you know. Look at their confirmation."

Chris knew the awe in her voice was genuine, his own holding a similar tone as his eyes roamed over the sleek lines. "They've been bred. One look tells you that." He shook his head slightly in renewed appreciation. "Wow, they're something."

"How would you like to break them for me? After all, that is why I bought them."

Chris turned to her and grinned. He hadn't tried to break a horse since before losing Sarah and Adam and he wondered if he still had the seat for it but one look at these two made him believe it was worth finding out.

"All right," he grinned at her, and then his eyes fell back on the two beautiful horses once more. Breeding horses like these had once been his dream though he and Sarah had never truly realized it, content to breed ordinary saddle horses until they could afford to buy a stallion and mare of this caliber.

That last trip to Mexico had been to check out the breeding stock at a reputable hacienda with the view to buying on a second trip a few months later. They'd never gone back there. There had been no reason to go back after he returned home to a burned out ranch and the dead bodies of his wife and child.

He barely noticed Ella moving back towards the house, too intent on the horses, carefully choosing which of the two he wanted to break first but he couldn't resist the fine stallion. With a quick word he had the mare taken back out and then he stripped off his gun belt, duster, jacket and vest.

"Whoa... easy, son. Whoa."

He approached the skittish horse slowly, then swiftly eased the bridle over the stallion's head. He knew it was best to get the saddle on fast, while the young horse was still confused as to what was happening to him. When all was ready, Chris leaped up onto the horse's back, moving into each buck as the stallion tried to throw him off his back but, all too soon, the horse realized that Chris was there to stay. Gradually he slowed, allowing Chris to urge him left and right.

Chris looked over towards the ranch house and saw Ella watching from the porch. She smiled at him and he grinned back, exhilarated by a long forgotten pleasure. He slid down from the horse's back and petted him, whispering soft words of praise and encouragement. He knew there was still a long way to go before the stallion was fully trained but it had been a good start.

By nightfall, Chris felt the another long forgotten feeling; the soreness of muscles no longer used to horse breaking. He winced as Ella reached out to rub at his neck.

"I have something upstairs that will ease those aches."

He followed her upstairs and grinned as he saw the freshly drawn bath. The water was far hotter than he normally liked but perfect for easing the stiffness out of his muscles. With just a moment's hesitation he began to strip, conscious of Ella's continued presence in the room. He convinced himself that it didn't matter as she'd seen it all before... seen all of him before and gratefully stepped into the tub, sinking down into the welcome heat.

He closed his eyes and relaxed, hearing Ella pottering around him. When he opened his eyes to see what she was doing, he saw that she had lit dozens of candles around the room, giving it a soft glow. Ella knelt down behind him as she talked of past suitors, accepting his reassurances that she was still a beautiful woman.

"Even if those men come all the way from Paris or China, they couldn't give me what you can." Her small hands slid down his wet skin, toying with a nipple and sending delicious sensations to his groin. "All those years. Did you ever think about me at night sometimes... the way I thought about you?"

Chris smiled as her hand sank lower, skimming over his tightened, fluttering stomach and brushing over the head of his hardened shaft.

"I'm thinking about you now."

"I can scrub your back, if you like. It seems time's been good to both of us." He closed his eyes as her hands traced a path that Vin liked to follow. "This is our time now, Chris. We could still have the life we... we dreamed of. The land. The horses. Even kids, if you want."

She breathed her words softly into his ear, offering him the dream he'd once striven for with Sarah; a dream he could never fully have with Vin because of the rules of the society they lived in.

"Is that what you want?"

"I want you. That's all I've ever wanted. When this is over, will you stay on here with me?"

Her words touched an empty place deep inside. He didn't love her -- and never had -- but maybe they deserved each other. Maybe they needed each other too... and maybe this would convince Vin that he'd be better off forgetting about him and finding someone that he could love openly, without condemnation.

Vin deserved to live.

He stepped out of the bath and into her arms, allowing her to dry off most of the water slicking his skin before he lowered her to the bed. He forced aside his pain of loss as he kissed her, his hands roaming over curves where he wanted to feel lean muscle, slowly sinking into her warm body with an ease that felt so wrong compared to the tightness of Vin's yielding flesh. Tears prickled in his eyes as he silently said his goodbye to Vin as he made love to her body.

****

**Next Morning:**

Concealed behind a wagon, Vin waited patiently for Handsome Jack Avarel's gang to ride up to the ranch house. He glanced back towards the house frequently, knowing that Chris had spent the night in Ella Gaines' bed, and in her arms. Inside his heart was breaking because he knew Chris didn't love her.

 _She's trouble, Chris,_ he thought again. _You got to see that._

He didn't know why or how he knew it, relying only on the visions in the silent dreams that had plagued him again last night. Once more he saw the hard, dark eyes, filled with cruel obsession and once again he had seen the shadowy figure of Sarah Larabee with mouth open in a silent scream of rage and despair as the flames licked around her and her child. He'd awoken, once more, to the slickness of Chris's blood seeping through his fingers, the only sound that of the old song played out on a piano.

"Here they come."

Vin sneaked a look out as he heard Ezra's warning, then drew back and waited for the right moment to present itself.

"Ella Gaines, time's up. Come for your answer. Probably putting her make-up on, boys. Wants to look her best for me."

Once all of Averal's gang was in view, trapped within the circle of their guns, Vin stepped out. "Not likely."

Chris stepped out of the doorway and casually leaned up against the upright. One of Averal's gang reached for his gun and Vin shot him without a second thought.

"Hey! Hey! Put 'em down boys. Next moron goes for his weapon, I'll shoot you myself." Averal's gang looked from one to the other but heeded their leader's words.

"Now, you ride out of here. Tell that mining company to forget about this land."

"Gonna miss you, Ella."

"You're a big boy. You'll get over it." They watched as Averal's men turned and rode away. "You scared them off just like I knew you would."

Vin watched as the last man disappeared from view, frowning at the ease with which they'd dispatched Handsome Jack Averal. He shook his head.

"I ain't convinced. He knew we was here, yet he rode straight into a trap."

Vin wondered if it was only him who saw the hardness in her dark eyes as he questioned her words. Her features relaxed back into a pleasant smile quickly enough but that momentary lapse had been enough to fuel Vin's dislike of her as he recalled the obsessed eyes in his dream.

"Well, all of Jack's courage is in his mouth. He won't be back. And I can't thank you enough for that."

"Maybe," replied Chris, thoughtfully. "But we better keep our lookouts."

Vin could see that Chris was not entirely convinced that they'd seen the last of Jack Averal either. There seemed only one sure way to make certain that it was all over so Vin made his offer.

"All the same to you, I'll ride over to Red Fork later. See if he's still around."

"All right. You should all know, after this job's finished, I'll be staying on here."

Vin caught the quick glance in his direction and tried to hold it but Chris refused to maintain eye contact, looking away instantly. Vin kept his face expressionless.

"Good luck to you."

Chris and Ella turned and walked back to the house, leaving the others shocked by the news. He shook his head, not wanting to see the look in the eyes of those who knew about him and Chris, not wanting to find any pity in there for him. He walked away with as much dignity as he could muster, mare's leg hanging from almost lifeless fingers as despair gripped at him. He looked back in time to see them kissing and the despair was momentarily replaced with anger.

 _You don't love her, Chris. You don't even want her. Don't do this to us, Cowboy,_ he thought as he turned away and moved straight to his horse.

He knew that standing around crying about it was not going to get anything resolved. Chris thought he was doing the best for both of them and Vin was at a loss to figure out how to convince him that all he was doing was bringing them both grief. They loved each other... needed each other. No one else would do for either of them.

He looked back only once after mounting up, seeing Buck still standing in the same place with his head bowed and lips pursed almost in denial. The blue eyes raised as if registering Vin's scrutiny, holding his for an instant but, in those few seconds, Vin realized he still had an ally in Buck, seeing the promise in the blue eyes to try and make Chris see the truth.

As he rode hard towards the town, Vin heard that lone coyote howling out across the land, mirroring the despair in his own heart. He had to hope he would find something... anything... in that town that would make Chris see sense, something to discredit Ella Gaines, something to turn Chris away from her and back to where he belonged... with him. He knew he was acting with as much obsession as the evil presence in his dream but there was a world of difference between him and that person he was now convinced was Ella Gaines.

Chris didn't love her. Chris loved him.

A hard hour's ride brought him to the town and, quickly, he submerged himself back into the well-remembered ways from when he'd been a bounty hunter. Inside the saloon, Vin took up a space at the bar and ordered a whiskey, slowly drawing the barman into a conversation about Jack Averal and the Culpepper Mining Company.

"Hear the Culpepper Mining Company is looking to expand in these parts."

"News to me, Son."

"Heard they was buying up land all around these parts."

"Ain't been much buying going on since Joseph Petrie got himself bushwhacked by outlaws."

"Joseph Petrie?"

"Yeah... was the owner but I reckon the company fell to his wife after his death."

"There a clerk's office round these parts?"

"County clerk's two buildings yonder." The barman indicated towards the left of the saloon.

"Much obliged." Vin dropped more than what was due to pay for the whiskey he'd been drinking and touched the brim of his hat in respect as he walked away. Within moment's he was in the County Clerk's office, waiting impatiently as the clerk pulled out the right papers to verify that the owner of the Culpepper Mining Company -- and Averal's employer -- was Ella Gaines.

The clerk spread the copy of the ownership document over the counter and Vin gave silent thanks to Mary Travis for her patience and skill in helping him to read at least the simple words. He recognized enough to be convinced that she was Averal's employer, which meant that it had all been a set-up from the start.

But why?

Had it been solely to get Chris's attention? To bring him out to the ranch where she could seduce him with memories of the past and the fulfillment of his dreams? How long had she been planning this? And if she had been willing to hire a man to aid her in this seduction, might she also have hired the men who had ambushed and murdered her last husband?

What plans had she got for Chris? Did she want revenge for his abandonment all those years ago? Or was she still obsessed with him, wanting him at any cost, willing to do anything to have him back again?

His stomach flipped with renewed fear and he knew he had to get back to Chris right away. For the whole journey, he worried about how Chris would take the news. If it went badly... if Chris refused to believe him or was flattered by the length she had gone to get him back then Vin knew he had no choice but to leave. He knew he couldn't stay around to watch all his dreams for his future with Chris turn to dust.

Vin leaned harder into his horse's neck, urging him onwards, filled with silent hope that Chris would see sense and turn away from Ella Gaines.

****

As he lay in the bath, easing the soreness from his muscles once more, Chris thought back to Buck's predicament and laughed gently. Ella's niece, by marriage, had taken a strong fancy to Buck and he'd taken great delight in throwing back the words Buck had used on him.

 _You can run, stud, but you can't hide_.

He sobered as he recalled the earlier part of their conversation as Buck questioned his decision to stay with Ella. They had met soon after he parted ways with Ella. Buck had recalled the way he'd described Ella and her little games that had become more and more dangerous as she forced him to prove how much he cared for her by calling out anyone who so much as glanced wrongly in her direction.

But she had changed... they had both changed. He had to believe that because he had burned all his bridges this time, knowing he had to set Vin free before he became another victim to the Larabee curse.

Buck had asked if he was going to take up the pleasures of home and family. Despite everything, Chris had found it impossible to lie to Buck and say 'yes', quickly changing the subject away from the idea of raising another family. Chris knew he'd have very little control over whether or not Ella would have children by him, wanting to believe that maybe it was too late for her, and that her childbearing time had passed. He knew why. A child ought to be the product of love, but he didn't love Ella... not yet... though he hoped he would learn to love her in time... once the memory of Vin dimmed.

Chris pushed himself out of the tub and dried his body with the soft towel Ella had laid out for him. A bowl of hot clean water had been set on the dresser and he made quick work of shaving, his face already softened by the heated water from his bath.

He caught sight of Ella in the mirror, watching him, and he turned with a ready smile that faded as she held up a suit, recalling the photograph Buck had shown him earlier of Joseph Petrie. The man had been a good head shorter than him.

"I have something special I'd like you to wear for me tonight."

"This is for bankers and carnival barkers."

"And gentlemen, too."

"Well, you should know better than anyone I ain't no gentleman."

"Just this once." She reached up to kiss him. "Please?"

"All right." Very casually, he asked her the question that was burning in his head. "This belong to your husband, too?"

"No. I bought it for you." Chris sighed inwardly, relieved that Buck's sudden distrust of Ella have been false, and then he wondered why she should have a suit sitting in the closet that had been made especially for him. After all, he'd only met her again a few days ago after more than twelve years apart.

"When did you have time--"

His words were cut off as she kissed him soundly, instantly forgotten as his body reacted to the memory of having her in his arms last night. Part of him loathed his reaction, feeling the remaining echo of disloyalty to Vin, wanting only Vin's arms around him, only Vin's tongue twining with his own. He missed the scent and taste of Vin Tanner; the smell of buckskin, the fresh outdoor scent of his hair, the musk of male sex and sweat hanging in the air around them after they had made love. He missed the fullness of Vin's hard shaft possessing him, sliding across that special place inside, sending him higher than he'd ever gone before. He missed the smooth muscles on the strong ass that squeezed him so tightly when he took Vin in turn, missed the guttural moans as Vin sobbed out his pleasure as his seed splattered between their bodies. He missed the taste of Vin too, the bittersweet, creamy seed that he would lap from the muscular stomach before sharing that taste with his lover.

His lover.

Vin was supposed to be his lover. Vin was the one he wanted with all his being.

Vin deserved to live.

Chris pulled away from Ella's kiss, seeing a strange look in her eye.

"You... better get dressed," she said softly.

"All right."

Ella toyed with the razor he had finished shaving with as Chris checked the smoothness of his freshly shaved cheeks.

"May I keep that razor, please? You can have one of Joseph's pearl-handled ones. I just like to keep souvenirs of special times."

"Okay." It seemed such a strange request but with guilt filling his head, Chris felt he could not deny her. He patted the remaining lather from his face and turned round to ask for her forgiveness. "Ella?" But she was gone.

Chris walked out of the room and checked around the corner, even more bewildered when she lit a small oil lamp and went to a small closet at the end of the hallway. He saw her go inside and he shook his head, deciding that now was not the time to ask her about the closet and her need to have his razor. After all, the others were waiting for them downstairs.

Chris felt rather foolish walking down the stairs arm in arm with Ella. The suit fit to perfection, just as if it had been made especially for him as Ella said. At the bottom of the stairs Ella made him pause for a photograph, and he dredged up a smile in the hope that he didn't look too much like a grimace.

Chris saw Ezra's eyes rise in approval, raising his glass to toast his transition from gunfighter to gentleman so Chris knew he had to look good in the suit. He willingly let Ella wander from his side and quickly made his way across the room to the cabinet, deciding that he needed a stiff drink. Barely had he raised the decanter of Ella's finest Kentucky mash when he caught sight of Vin, his relief at seeing Vin safe and in one piece turning to anger as his body recalled how much it wanted to be with Vin rather than Ella.

"Where you been?"

Chris froze, one hand holding the decanter, the other a glass, as Vin gave a deep sigh and then steeled himself to say something of importance, and he felt his stomach flip in sudden dread as he awaited Vin's words.

"Ain't no way to make this sound good, so I'll just spill it. Ella owns Culpepper Minin'."

His hand shook imperceptibly as confusion filled him. "Where'd you get that?"

"County clerk over in Red Fork. Which means Handsome Jack works for her."

"Who told you to go digging into her business?"

"She lied to you... up and down the line. The woman's no good, Chris."

"I'm gonna forget you said that." His hands clenched around the glass, fervently wishing that he could just forget Vin's words. Didn't Vin understand that this was all for his sake? Didn't he know how much it was hurting him to say goodbye?

Vin deserved to live. He deserved a long life without the need to check over his shoulder constantly or sleep with one eye open looking for bounty hunters or people who couldn't mind their own business. So what if Ella had planned all this? The ruse to get him here, the ranch that looked exactly like the dream he'd told her about all those years ago, the suit that fit to perfection. None of that mattered. He didn't matter. Only Vin mattered... and Vin was making this so hard on both of them.

Why couldn't he just let go?

"Well, come sunrise, then... I'll be going."

The almost flat tone rolled over Chris and his heart almost broke in pieces at the pain only he could have heard, and as his own pain of loss howled through him. Soft footsteps moved away from him and the chill from the night air swept over him as the door opened and then closed quietly behind Vin.

i>It's for the best... he deserves to live, was his last thought before he plastered an easy smile back on his face and turned to face his new life.

****

Vin walked swiftly along the short passageway to the door, opening it and stepping out. He wanted to slam the door so hard it fell off its hinges but he felt too numb, letting it close softly behind him instead.

His steps faltered, and he doubled over slightly at the indescribable pain of loss that made him feel physically sick to the stomach. As he took another step, the sound of the piano drifted out across the empty yard and Vin heard a beautiful voice sweetly singing the haunting song from his dream.

"I dream of Jeanie with the light brown hair... borne like a vapor on the summer air..."

The shock rippled through him, his stomach rebelling and he barely made it to side of the wagon before losing its contents. He braced himself against the wagon, head hanging low as the song played out, seeing flashes of obsession in cruel dark eyes. Once more he relived the horror as that misty figure of Sarah Larabee screamed silently as flames caught her dress, her terrified child clinging to his mother as the flames consumed them... then he was on the ground, Chris's blood flowing through his fingers.

But what did it all mean? And could he bear to stick around long enough to find out?

Vin stumbled away to where he had set up his small camp, sinking down in the darkness, too shocked to even build a small fire. He curled up in a ball on the hard ground, too exhausted by the hard ride and the powerful emotions to care about anything more this night. His final thought as sleep claimed him was a determination to ride out come sunrise, and never look back.

****

Chris didn't sleep that night. Instead he lay awake in the bed he shared with Ella, waiting for the sun to rise, having discovered that a dream was worth nothing when shared with the wrong person. He would rather have his tiny shack on that small piece of land with Vin or Sarah, than this beautiful white house, miles of good grazing land and a string of fine horses with Ella.

Chris took another sip of Kentucky mash from the expensive glass he held in his hand. He had hoped the alcohol would have brought him sleep but every time he closed his eyes he would see visions of dark thunderclouds rolling towards him like a premonition of something bad about to happen. He looked down at Ella's sleeping form, seeing the soft, creamy skin of her shoulder but recalling broader shoulders with a small freckle just... Chris withdrew his hand, knowing he would not find that freckle on *this* shoulder. His eyes caught a glint of morning light reflecting from the metal keyring in the pocket of Ella's dress. He stared at it for a moment, frowning as it glinted again as if beckoning him to reach in and take the keyring.

He gave into the temptation, placing the glass of whiskey onto the cabinet and quietly easing the keyring from the pocket. He held it in his hand for a moment as he made his decision. Chris padded from the room on silent feet, carefully lighting the small lamp Ella had left on the hallway table. Each step towards the closet at the end of the hallway brought increasing dread curling in the pit of his stomach, and clenching like a death grip around his heart.

The key turned easily in the lock, as if used often and Chris held the lamp ahead of him as he stepped behind the dark drape into the small space beyond.

He froze, eyes flicking from one item to another. The walls were covered in pictures of him, some from old newspaper cuttings but others completely unknown. He recognized the town he protected with a wagon proclaiming that traveling Cowboy show in the background of one, shocked to realize that it had to have been taken recently. How many more had been taken when he was unaware? He fingered the newspaper cuttings, recognizing the Clarion's print for some... but others were yellowed with age. He picked up a photograph, heart stopping at the sight of him standing with Sarah... looking so happy. His thumb drifted over her image, feeling the raw edges of the two crossed slashes that marred her beautiful face.

Suddenly he couldn't breathe as he picked up the gold locket lying on the ledge. Sarah's locket; the one her grandmother had given to her, the one she never took off not even at night when they slept, no matter how much he moaned when he had to fix it after the fine chain broke more than once.

His picture was still inside... but Adam's had gone.

"I've always loved you, Chris. And now you know just how much."

Chris turned, almost stumbling over suddenly leadened feet, body held almost rigid in shock as he faced her. His hand rose, the gold locket held in a white-knuckled grip.

"What are you doing with my wife's locket?"

With his bare hands he'd searched through the charcoal and dust of his home after the fire, looking for this locket... not wanting to bury Sarah without it. Eventually Buck had dragged him away, pleading with him that there was more to Sarah than just her most precious locket, that she needed to be buried.

"Where'd you get my wife's locket?"

"Fowler brought it to me after the fire."

Chris felt the room reel about him. "Fowler? I... I don't understand."

"Well, I couldn't let her take you away from me."

"You hired him?"

"I did what I had to do so that we could be together."

Chris couldn't catch his breath, his lungs burning to draw in air as his heart faltered. The room spun about him, the images of his life mocking him as realization as Ella's words echoed around his head...

_...Excuse to get you here... to get you here. Was just an excuse... just an excuse to get you here. Because I'm the woman that you love... that you love... that you love... that you love._

His hands leaped out, tightening around her throat, squeezing harder as she thrashed and kicked at him.

"Bitch!"

The sound of a gunshot echoing through the stillness of the new dawn snapped him back, and then a shout came from outside followed by more gunshots.

"They're in the bunkhouse, boys!"

"What'd you do?!"

"I'll kill anyone who comes between us!"

Vin! Buck! All his friends were out there. Suddenly he understood the strange look in her eye when he didn't return from Red Fork that night, camping out under the stars with Buck... and the same look she gave Vin every time she saw him. He shoved her aside and raced down the stairs, ignoring her as she cried out to him.

***

Vin was riding away in the opposite direction to everything he knew when he heard the first gunshot. He faltered, recalling the silent dream full of gunshot smoke and ricocheting bullets... then Chris... the blood seeping between his fingers. His knuckles whitened against the reins and he pulled his horse around hard, digging in his heels to spur the gelding into a gallop.

He could see the others coming out of the root cellar, fanning out in search of cover, and he took out one man who'd made a bead on Josiah. Ezra, Josiah and Nathan headed for the cover of the wagon and Vin let loose another shot, finding his target, as Ezra dropped suddenly, clutching his chest.

His heart was in his throat as Josiah grabbed hold of Ezra's legs and dragged him back under the cover of the wagon, almost sobbing in relief when he saw Ezra moving of his own accord.

He heard a woman shout Buck's name, and watched in horror as red blossomed over her large body as Buck shouted at her in horror to get back inside. Slowly he made his way forward, taking out as many of Jack Averal's men as he could until he was close to the ranch house.

He froze in horror as Chris came walking down the long porch, half-naked with a rifle in his hands. The blank look on his face screamed a warning to Vin. Chris was firing, emptying the rifle, and unheeding of his vulnerable position in the midst of the battle. He threw the rifle aside when the last bullet left the barrel and drew his gun as he stepped off the porch onto the dusty ground.

"Get down, Larabee!" Vin shouted, desperate to be heard over the sound of gunfire.

"Chris!"

Chris turned at Ella's cry, and Vin saw her on one of those fine horses, the one Chris had been gentling these past days. He saw Chris raise his gun and take aim at her, saw the crippling indecision filling his eyes. Movement behind Chris caught Vin's attention too late as Averal rose up and aimed at Chris.

"NO!!" Vin screamed, firing an instant too late, horror sweeping over him as Chris crumpled to a heap on the ground less than ten feet from where he had taken cover. He broke cover immediately, racing across the clearing and dropping to his knees by his lover's side, using his own body to protect Chris from further gunfire. Turning, he aimed and fired at Ella, but she was already beyond the range of the mare's leg.

"Did you get her?"

"Nope. Missed her."

Vin looked down as the last of Averal's men scurried away, racing for their horses. He reached for Chris and his hand came away bloodied, the rich red blood seeping through his fingers as the final image of dream came back to haunt him.

"Nathan! Nathan!" He yelled out, knowing that only one man could stem the flow of blood from the wound.

Nathan seemed to take forever to reach them, and Vin saw that the healer's hands were already covered in blood as he helped Nathan roll Chris over onto his back. Dark eyes, full of worry, held onto Vin's.

"Got to get him off this dusty ground."

Vin nodded and braced himself as he and Nathan lifted Chris between them. The load lightened suddenly as Josiah lent his great strength and they hurried into the house, heedless of the blood splattering the fine furnishings as they laid Chris on the long chaise.

"Bullet bounced off a rib... broke it. Think it's lodged... Yes. There." Nathan grabbed the fine nosed tongs that he used to take out bullets. "Get me that whiskey". Josiah grabbed a crystal decanter filled with the finest whiskey and handed it to Nathan. "Hold him down." He poured the whiskey over the tongs and then over the side wound in Chris's chest, grimacing as Chris cried out and bucked against the flare of pain. "Said hold him," Nathan yelled as he dug into the wound, quickly finding the bullet and pulling it out.

More whiskey followed to cleanse the wound but Chris had already given into the beckoning call of darkness. Vin looked deep into Nathan's eyes, not daring to breathe as he waited.

"Just unconscious."

Relief filled him and he felt suddenly weak in the aftermath of the battle and his fear of losing Chris to Averal's bullet. With an unconscious gesture, he stroked the smooth warm flesh of Chris's shoulder as he stared at the handsome face slackened in unconsciousness.

"Josiah. You mind boiling me some bandages while I stitch this wound. Figure I ought to get it done while he's still out."

Vin felt a large hand on his shoulder as Josiah stood, and looked up into compassionate blue eyes before Josiah turned away to do as Nathan bid. He cleared his throat, and turned to find the others in the room.

"You okay, Ez?"

"Physically... I am none the worse but--" Ezra stopped abruptly, looking down at Chris for a moment. Then he gave a wan smile. "I am fine, Mr. Tanner. Just fine."

Vin nodded, taking in each of the men he called his friends in turn. A shadow of grief falling across his eyes as he caught sight of Buck holding Hilda's hand on the other side of the room. They had brought her back inside, not wanting to leave her lying on the porch.

Buck's lips tightened, and then he headed for the stairs. "I'll get some blankets."

Vin watched Nathan stitch the bullet wound and then bandage it, losing track of time until he felt a presence at his shoulder and looked up into Buck's tear-tracked face.

"Buck?"

"Upstairs..." Buck choked on the words, and Vin took one last quick look at Chris before he rose and followed Buck. They came to a closet at the end of the upstairs hallway, and Buck stood aside while Vin entered, waiting in silence.

Visions of those dark eyes full of obsession filled his mind as he saw the last decade of Chris's life plastered on the walls and filling the ledges. He picked up the photograph of Chris and Sarah, and he knew she was the tormented figure from his dream. He found another photograph underneath a lace handkerchief, recognizing it as one of the many taken by that traveling dimestore novelist, Jock Steele. His thumb rubbed over the crossed slashes covering his own face, identical to the ones across Sarah's face in the other photograph, and he knew Ella had intended for him to die this day.

Vin stepped away from the small temple she had set up to worship Chris, almost stepping onto Buck's feet. Looking slightly up into the taller man's face, Vin could see fresh tracks of tears, and he looked down, not certain if Buck would appreciate knowing he'd seen him cry.

And then he noticed the toy in Buck's hand; a small carved horse that had been lovingly crafted, whittled from a single piece of hard wood and smoothed with care.

"Chris made this for Adam. Gave it to him on his last birthday, just a few weeks before..." Buck's face screwed up and he looked away. "He loved this toy... always loved horses... always saying _Let me ride your horse, Uncle Buck_." Buck sobbed softly. "God! I loved that boy as if he was my own."

Buck took a deep, ragged breath.

"We got to find that bitch, Vin. We got to find her and..."

Vin reached out, laying his hand on Buck's forearm. "We will, Buck. We will."

****

**Two days later:**

Vin rode back into town, bone weary from days in the saddle, and soul weary for having no good news to impart. He rode straight into the livery, grateful at the offer made to unsaddle and rub down his horse.

He looked through the saloon doors as he passed and saw a solemn group of men ranged around a table. Walking up to the bar he asked for whiskey and then joined them, swallowing the whiskey quickly and dropping the empty glass to the table top.

"Nothing?"

Vin looked into Buck's hope-filled eyes, hating to disappoint him as much as Chris. "Nope."

He didn't need to ask if Buck had any luck in tracking her down. Vin unhooked a chair and sat down, nodding his thanks when Ezra had his glass refilled.

"Must've had a bolt hole. Some place, or someone willing to give her shelter. Damn! I wanted to get her so bad."

"We all did, Vin." Nathan sighed and shook his head.

"How's he doing, Nate?"

"Wound's healing fine. No fever or chills... but I can't say the same for his mind."

Josiah leaned forward. "Keeps asking for you, Vin. Wondering when you'll be back... if you'll be back." Two big hands encased his as it lay over the whiskey glass. "Are you back, Vin?"

Vin nodded slowly. "For now. Just gonna take it one day at a time for now." Vin sighed. "Well. Best go see him, tell him the bad news."

Vin pushed away from the table and headed out of the saloon, walking along slowly as he saw Chris wrapped in a blanket ahead. Mary Travis was next to him and he saw her hand over a letter, and waited while Chris opened it -- alone -- and read the contents. A chill raced through him at the momentary stiffening of Chris's shoulders before they slumped back down.

He approached slowly, waiting until Chris had noticed him before he spoke and wishing he didn't have to destroy the fragile hope in the green eyes that met his.

"She leaked out of the landscape. We covered every town 'tween here and Red Fork." Some of that hope died but a glimmer remained that filled Vin with hope. "Sorry you didn't shoot her when you had the chance."

Chris nodded, jaw set in a hard line as he whispered something between tightened lips.

"Chris?"

Chris looked back up at him, then away down the street. "Next time."

Vin sighed and sank down onto the step next to Chris, too tired to stand any longer. "I'll head out tomorr--"

"NO." Vin looked up finding the piercing stare trained on him. He continued more softly. "No. Don't go, Vin."

Vin waited, knowing that Chris was struggling to find more words.

"I'm supposed to be the strong one. Supposed to stand tall and let you go... accept what little's left 'cause you deserve to live. Don't deserve to end up hanging for... for wanting me." He gave a deprecating laugh. "Don't feel so strong right now."

"When you gonna get it into that thick skull of yours that for good or bad, come hell or high water, we belong together... to the gallows' foot and after," he added, recalling the words from a Kipling poem. "Ain't how long we got that matters, Larabee. It's what we do with the time."

Chris closed his eyes, the tiniest of smiles curling his lips. "Ain't gonna be doing much with my time over these next weeks."

The letter fluttered down from his lap and Vin reached for it, recognizing the perfume as Ella's. He picked up the photograph, finger tracing the handsome man and felt an urge to take out his knife and put crossed slashes over her face.

"Don't want any more secrets or... between us. Read it."

Vin opened the scented notepaper and stared at the tiny script. Chris knew he'd been learning his words with Mary Travis but Vin felt a moment of concern that he might not be able to make out these. Then he shook his head slightly, knowing Chris wouldn't be ashamed or disappointed if he made mistakes.

"I... forgive you for not... app... appreciating what I did for you... for us. But I cannot allow the...je..." he struggled over the unknown word.

"Jealous and the weak-of-heart," came a soft voice above him.

"...to destroy the great love we share. If we have the... courage of our true hearts, we will do what... ever is needed... to find our way back to each other... and the rest of the world be damned." Vin looked up for a moment before dropping his eyes back to the letter. "Until that day, I remain... fa.."

"Faithfully."

"...lovingly yours. Ella Gaines--" Vin looked up in wide-eyed shock as he said the final word, "Larabee." He snorted at her delusion, believing that Chris could ever want her after learning what she'd done to him and his own. "Bitch."

"She ain't ever gonna leave me alone. Not till I kill her."

"I know."

"She'll try to kill you too, like she killed Sarah... and Adam."

"I know."

"Still reckon you ought to get back on your horse and ride as far away from me as you can."

"Look me in the eye, Larabee, and tell me you don't want me no more... and tell me you don't want me to stay... and I'll go."

Chris looked down at him, green eyes clouded with fear and pain yet Vin could still see the love glowing in there... for him.

"Can't do that."

"Then I'll stay... and when you're feeling strong again, I'm gonna kick your ass for putting us both through this wringer, Cowboy."

Chris laughed softly, and genuinely, for the first time in what seemed like forever. Vin knew Chris had seen his old dream turn out to be a nightmare, but it didn't mean they couldn't build a new dream together. With that thought, Vin leaned back and let the sunshine warm his face just as Chris's continued presence by his side warmed his soul.

THE END


End file.
